So, it’s about time I finally got myself a little website after a glorious year of blogging over on Facebook Ta dah! . It’s been an epic year, I’ve been invited to all sorts of fabulous events, reviewed some wonderful books and most excitingly, I was nominated for an award! I spent an evening in Coventry drinking more booze than strictly needed surrounded by amazing bloggers from the SEND community, more about them later.
Time to tell you a bit about me and why I chose the name Mama Unexpected. So here goes.
Hello! I am Hana aka Mama Unexpected. I have been writing this little blog for over a year now and what a year it has been. A year ago I was pretty lonely and convinced that no one would ever connect to my life as it was so far removed from the norm. I resisted writing a blog for a very long time because I didn’t think anyone would get me. I was so very wrong. I am blown away daily by the solidarity and compassion shown to us.
A little about me and my family. I’m 27 and live in South Hampshire with my two children Tilly (4) and Arlo (3) plus Bodhi the dog. My main hobby is drinking gin with or without tonic but I don’t get much time for that as I’m a fairly busy woman! Since September I have just finished a year at college studying health sciences and in two months time I will be starting my midwifery degree. Alongside this, I work for a wonderful charity providing breastfeeding peer support and coordinating the local project, raise two small people by myself and organise big ol’ charity fun days. So not much.
To explain the blogs name… I shall rewind back to this time five years ago. I had dropped out of university a year before, I was a shell of a person after wasting my teenage years with a violent psychopath of a “man” and had found myself pregnant after three whirlwind months with my future husband. I was 21, all my friends were in their final months of their degrees and I was adamant that my life was going to be bloody perfect too. The next two and a half years were a blur of babies, weddings and a house move.
Fast forward to May 2014, eight months after the wedding and I found myself a heavily pregnant single mother with an 18 month old at home. It came as a huge shock to almost everyone. I was living the instaperfect dream after all. I had it all. Except I didn’t, I had been trapped in a very unhappy marriage and was miserable. But that didn’t scare me anywhere near as much as being a single parent of two. I felt trapped. I was stuck at home with a baby and another one due imminently whilst my husband waltzed off into the sunset to live the bachelors dream and I was left to pick up the pieces. He visited periodically for a few hours for a few months but that soon stopped. He did eventually come back in September of last year and sees the children for a few hours every other weekend.
Tilly, my beautiful firstborn, progressed normally for the first few weeks and months of her life but then the milestones didn’t come. It was a slow and incredibly painful realisation that my perfect child was disabled. As yet, Tilly has no diagnosis. Whatever she has is so rare they don’t know what it is or why. She is severely globally delayed, non-verbal, autistic (allegedly), has hypermobility, low muscle tone and epilepsy. These labels however, do not define her. Tilly is the sort of child that is impossible not to love, even with her fingers gouging out your eyes and ripping out your hair, she is still incredibly loveable. She is completely in tune with the emotions of others and fiercely loyal. If she picks you as her friend, you’re her buddy for life. Tilly is also incredibly determined, despite her epilepsy wiping her brain constantly, she battles on and has relearnt to walk many times. She blows our minds every day and is my greatest inspiration. She starts school in two months time and I am terrified.
Arlo, my tiny second born is your typical three year old. He has no special needs or delays and will talk your ear off given half the chance. He is the most loving and kind little boy there is and has a wicked, sassy sense of humour.
Did I ever expect my life to be like this? Did I think I’d be a single mother at 24 and a carer for my disabled child? No, of course not. My life is not what I expected in the slightest. It is so much more. Becoming a mother and facing all that we have faced together as a family has put me right on the path to being the person I want to be. Strangely, my husband leaving me was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was free. I learnt to love myself finally after so many years thinking I wasn’t enough.
I believe strongly in being kind to others and to forever pay it forward and give as much as I possibly can to those who need it.
My life is definitely unexpected and at times utterly overwhelming but mainly, it is more than I could’ve ever hoped for.
Thank you for reading my blog, thank you for the last year and thank you for keeping me company.