A Final Thank you

It’s been three years since a tiny Tilly crawled through the doors of her nursery. She was 22 months old and was just starting to walk with the help of a lot of physio. I wasn’t ready to let her go, it had been gently suggested by the portage (play therapy) coordinator that it would do us both good. I had never wanted to send her to a nursery, she was going to go to the local preschool two minutes away, not five miles away. It was incredibly difficult to let her go, I felt I had failed as a mother, I wasn’t enough for her. I couldn’t give her enough to be at her best. I had a two month old at home and was a newly single mother, I felt like I had let her down entirely. Here she is at the age she went to nursery:
But from day one, the staff at her nursery made me realise something very important. I hadn’t let her down, not even a bit. I had given her the very best chance by putting her needs before my wants. She needed to go to a nursery who could give her intensive one on one interaction and intervention from day one. She needed to go to a nursery that nurtured her and supported me to be the very best mother I could be to her. Not only that, I needed to take some of the pressure off, let them do some of her daily therapies and let myself have time away from being her carer as well as her mum. 
Every single step of the way, from applying for DLA and fighting for referrals, EHCPs and equipment, they have been there to hold my hand. They’ve been an emotional crutch for me during the very hardest times. No one batted an eyelid when I brought Tilly back into nursery after a huge regression caused by a bug during the summer of 2015, they didn’t judge me for leaving my newly unable to walk three year old in their care for a few hours, I needed those few hours away from her to give myself space to sob and regroup, seeing her that way was devastating, They just focused on helping me to help her to walk again. This happened a few times. After her week long stay in hospital having constant seizures in January 2016, she was back to nursery shortly after. Again they helped her refind her strength. 

 When it became time to start her EHCP, they did it all, guided me through the bits I needed to do and listened to everything I wanted and needed for Tilly. It’s not often you’re listened to (really and truly listened to) as a SEND parent, I have been very spoilt with almost daily hand overs and chats about her progress and discussions on what we could all do to help Tilly are the norm. Nothing is ever too much. It will be a hard transition for me into school, but not for Tilly, I know she’s been given the very best handover possible. 
Child care practioners (is that the official term?) are such undervalued people, they love and nurture our babies into little people and that should be applauded and appreciated so much more than it is. 
I guess what I want to say is simply thank you
Thank you all for loving my children.
Thank you all for giving them your absolute best every single day. 
Thank you for listening to me when I needed to be listened to and for guiding me when I needed to be guided. 
Thank you for never giving up on Tilly. You have always believed she will achieve everything she wants to. Repeating the same tasks with her every single day for months and years to try and get them to go in… not even I can manage such dedication. 
Thank you for being my safe haven over the last three years. The three hardest years of my life. Where would I be without you?
Thank you all so very much. Don’t be surprised if I bolt out of the door on Friday after Tilly’s last ever day with you. I will be running off to sob in the car as I’m not a big fan of PDAs (thanks for making me cry so many times in TAC meetings 😂) Seems silly really as I’ll be back on Monday with Arlo…

But when you’re on a journey as unknown as ours with a child as rare as Tilly… finding a place that gets her, accepts her and truly loves her for who she is… well, it’s probably almost as rare as she is. 

I don’t feel ready for Tilly to start school next week but I know she’s going as the very best version of herself and with the bar set very high. If her new school come up short to the level of care she’s received at nursery, they’ll find me marching up there to raise hell. I know what we deserve now and anything less won’t be good enough. 

Thank you. ❤

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