There’s a lot of things you take for granted when you have a child. That they’ll talk, walk, dress themselves etc. One thing I took for granted is that my children would have friends. I met my oldest friends aged two and they’re still stuck with me now after all.
But when you have a child with SEN, it’s not that easy.
One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to read about Tilly was a report about 18 months ago that stated that other children were scared of her. 100% true and 100% justified but utterly soul destroying. Tilly always wanted to have friends but she couldn’t behave appropriately around other children, her love for them involved ripped out chunks of their hair, skin and faces. It was pretty horrendous. There was a lot of blood. No exaggeration.
Last summer after eighteen months of various epilepsy medications with hideous side effects that caused her to be incredibly violent and volatile I decided enough was enough. She wasn’t happy. I took her off the massive doses of drugs she was on.
Best decision I ever made. The difference was almost immediate. Her brother could be around her for the first time in his life. I could go to the toilet and not have to close her into her bedroom to keep him safe from her. They have Friday night sleepovers in her bedroom and curl up together. These are siblings I had to separate with a metal room divider at one point to stop her from tearing him apart.
Tilly started special school in September alongside some of her peers from Nursery. They remembered her and rightfully so they were scared. A few months Tilly was chosen by another boy in the class as his friend during a friendship activity. I cried when I found that one out.
Tilly’s behaviour around other children improves every day. Through the impressively hard work and determination of the staff at her school, she has been taught and has learnt how to behave appropriately around other children most of the time.
Today Tilly had her first ever play date with the other girl in her class. They went to Nursery together too and Tilly targeted her as she loves her and her hair is especially long and lovely to pull 😫. But not anymore. Both girls were happy to see eachother. They sat together with her younger sister in a restaurant and nothing was broken, no one was injured and the place didn’t burn to the ground.
My child finally has friends aged 5 and a bit.
And I have a friend who gets it. ❤️
Social media has picked up massively in the last decade. You can message, tweet, snap, DM or scroll through your friends various forms of social media at any hour of the day. Friendship is always there, right in your pocket, ready to talk to you.
When I fell pregnant with Tilly back in 2012 I was massively lonely. My friends were still at universities all over the country and I was the only pregnant one. I was desperately lonely and had no idea about pregnancy or babies. I remember googling “how to make friends when you have a baby” in those first few months and eventually I struck gold and found the Bounty forum for those due in October 2012. I had to send a friend request on Facebook and then I’d be added to a secret group. It was very exciting.
That group became my lifeline. I was obsessed. I would ask questions all day, every day and pour every last part of my thoughts into this group of 300ish women. I wasn’t alone anymore. I had found somewhere to belong. The group had its difficulties with a few less than delightful women who were needlessly unkind or seeming to try and scam others. After a year or so things settled down and now, five years later, the ladies in my first due in group are some of my closest friends in the world. I’ve been to weddings and hen dos in Warwickshire, Brighton and The New Forest, various birthday parties and meet ups as far as Cardiff, Manchester and London. I am also in a group from when I was pregnant with Arlo and have lifelong friends from there too.
I have cried rivers of tears for babies lost by women I have never met and I have confided my darkest fears to women I have never met. I’ve even been to the funeral of a woman I have never met. I drove for seven hours to be there and it never even crossed my mind that I hadn’t met her. She was my friend and the grief and loss I felt and still feel was very real. Someone I spoke to most days… of course she was my friend.
So imagine my horror when I was told that my online friends were not real. They felt and looked pretty real to me.
I’ve made a lot of my “IRL” friends online. Only today I went for lunch with a friend I met after she messaged my blog page 😍. I’ve even been a bridesmaid after befriending another friend on instagram 😂. I’m secretly very shy so getting to know people online first helps me to be less of a socially awkward lemon 🍋
So! I asked The Girl Tribe, the Mama Unexpected group (yes you can join Click here ) about online friendships and their feelings on them so here’s a few things I’ve learnt.
As a whole, online friendships are a positive. Most said they tell their online friends things they wouldn’t discuss with their other friends.
Deepest darkest secrets are told to the people in my pocket… I love you all!
Others told me that (like me) online friends made them feel less lonely:
Online friends have been a comfort blanket for me at times when the world has felt incredibly lonely.
And many told me that they felt that their online friends had supported them through difficult times and even went so far as to say that their online friends had saved their lives.
There were a few darker stories, it’s easy to be a bully via a keyboard after all and kind gestures sometimes back fire. I would advise always being cautious.
The main thing I learnt from asking about online friendships was this:
Online Friends ARE Real friends.
I wouldn’t be the mother I am today if it wasn’t for the “people in my pocket”
Thank you ❤
(strong girls club tee is from the epic Muthahood)